The Bird Who Lost Her Song

e0ca6a65e36ad5becc2b49f44ddac01bEvery point of growing up I had a playlist of songs that were perfect for the moments I was going through. “Sunshine and Summertime” when my friend’s and I would drive to Zuma Beach in my ’88 Mustang.  We all felt young and skinny like anything could happen with our hair down and blowing in the wind.  We could literally go anywhere in that moment. We were so free.

“You and Tequila” when I started talking to my boyfriend (now my husband).  I would get lost in Kenny Chesney’s voice and dream about marrying the cutest man I had ever met.  I even listened to it when it felt like he was breaking my heart.  I am sure music is medicine, sometimes you have to listen and cry it out to get through rough times.

“Are you Gunna Kiss me or not” when he finally asked me out and didn’t kiss me before my hour and a half ride home alone.  I still get butterflies every time I hear this song.

“Hey Pretty Girl” when we were engaged after he asked me to marry him and I was imagining our lives together.  Then “ I Do Cherish You” When we were getting married. I would cry just picturing us dancing to this song for our first dance, it felt like that day would never come…

I have not felt the magic in such a long time.  Maybe it is my outlook on life.  I think I just got married and became so busy with responsibility that I lost that free part of me.  Everything became so serious and I became entangled in it so much that I forgot to stop and ask myself “What makes you happy?” “Where did your smile go?”  I am going to be a mommy and I am so excited, but I am scared that if I don’t find my song soon I will lose it forever.

Find Out Who Your Friends Are”

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Run your car off the side of the road
Get stuck in a ditch way out in the middle of nowhere
Or get yourself in a bind,
Lose the shirt off your back,
Need a floor, need a couch, need a bus fare…
This is where the rubber meets the road
This is where the cream is gonna rise
This is what you really didn’t know
This is where the truth don’t lie
You find out who your friends are

Watching a train wreck happen is traumatic enough, but knowing it could have been avoided takes a toll on a person’s entire being.  Being a friend is not easy.  When a person loves their friend they are expected to tell them when they see imminent hazards, but in order for the friendship process to work… the other person needs to listen to said friend.  More often than not, they do not listen and then the advised friend wonders why they are scattered into a million emotional pieces.   Well that stinks for the person who made the ‘wrong’ decision, but what they don’t think about is how it makes the adviser feel.  Life is full of choices and mistakes, I assume that’s why friends exist in the first place.

I am in an interesting place in my life.  I just got married and am truly loving it.  One of my close friends made a decision that will impact his life forever.  I feel silly even calling him my friend because we are so close. I seriously feel like my whole body has been drained.  I am hurt and confused. This situation is not about me, I just have so many overwhelming emotions that I am literally exhausted.  I cannot imagine how he feels.  There are different kinds of friends; casual friends, backstabbing friends, and friends that are so close they should be called family.  Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”  I am not a scholar, but I believe the verse is saying that a true friend loves even when it is not easy, but a brother is there for you when times become unbearable.  I see this as two different levels of friendship/ love.  There is the friendship that oversees imperfection and loves regardless, then there is the love of a brother that will feel every emotion and stand by his brother’s side until the death.  My close friends are like this.  They have been there for me in every situation and love me even when I am annoying and bossy.  We have pulled each other through parents getting divorced, being kicked out of the house, and losing people.  We have laughed together and seriously cried with each other, but I know they will be there in a heartbeat if I need anything at all.  I am so blessed to be a part of such an incredible family.

I truly feel for my friend/brother.  He made a choice, I and the rest of our friends will be there for him through it all, but it will not be easy.  I just hope he knows how much we love him and that he could never do anything that would change that.