Every point of growing up I had a playlist of songs that were perfect for the moments I was going through. “Sunshine and Summertime” when my friend’s and I would drive to Zuma Beach in my ’88 Mustang. We all felt young and skinny like anything could happen with our hair down and blowing in the wind. We could literally go anywhere in that moment. We were so free.
“You and Tequila” when I started talking to my boyfriend (now my husband). I would get lost in Kenny Chesney’s voice and dream about marrying the cutest man I had ever met. I even listened to it when it felt like he was breaking my heart. I am sure music is medicine, sometimes you have to listen and cry it out to get through rough times.
“Are you Gunna Kiss me or not” when he finally asked me out and didn’t kiss me before my hour and a half ride home alone. I still get butterflies every time I hear this song.
“Hey Pretty Girl” when we were engaged after he asked me to marry him and I was imagining our lives together. Then “ I Do Cherish You” When we were getting married. I would cry just picturing us dancing to this song for our first dance, it felt like that day would never come…
I have not felt the magic in such a long time. Maybe it is my outlook on life. I think I just got married and became so busy with responsibility that I lost that free part of me. Everything became so serious and I became entangled in it so much that I forgot to stop and ask myself “What makes you happy?” “Where did your smile go?” I am going to be a mommy and I am so excited, but I am scared that if I don’t find my song soon I will lose it forever.
Soo… I know it has been a long time since I have written anything. Not like it matters because I think three people are following me. Thank you three people. I appreciate you. I have been feeling very insignificant lately… I know it is silly. My entire life I have been viewed as overly bossy and controlling. Understandably, I would probably get annoyed with me too. Actually, I already am. I do not mean to be this way. Every piece of advice and simple correction I give is because I am sincerely trying to help. I’m not trying to prove that I am right, or that my way is better. I’m just suggesting another way. I think that is why it is so hard when people do not appreciate it.
The hardest part about it is that I have always viewed my bossiness as a positive characteristic. I would joke about how “Control Freaky” I am/was, but I never thought that it seriously irritated people. I honestly thought that it was one of my best attributes. So when I was reprimanded it made me feel worthless. I have always wanted to be a wedding coordinator because I feel like I pay attention to detail and I love seeing people get married. Now I do not really know what I want to do. I am probably being over dramatic, but it has really caused me to question if my friends and family really like me or just put up with me. As silly as it is, this has really made me reevaluate my life.
Anyway, I am figuring it out. I have been trying not to voice my opinion so much, I have been trying not to voice it at all actually. Not in a spiteful way, I just feel like people probably do not care about what I have to say. I hope my three people are doing well. 🙂