Tired

e502f749a62dcb640afe6dc57ff2bbffI am  t i r e d.  I usually try not to complain about my situations, because I am blessed to have the problems that I have, but today I am going to complain a little.  I have been working two jobs for about 5 months and it is starting to get to me.  I love both of my jobs because they are both very different.  My full time job is an office job, and obviously my part time job is Starbucks.  They are both incredible companies and I am endlessly grateful to work for them.  Lately I have been going to my first job, coming home for a few minutes, then leaving for my second job.  I barely have time to see Josh, and when I do see him I am exhausted which makes me sad.  I think it makes him sad too.  Josh is going to school full time to become an engineer, so he is usually pretty busy as well.  I love him so much and has been doing so well in school.  I am so proud of him.  He hates that I have been working as hard as I have, but that just makes me love him that much more.  I am also planning a wedding.  That is the funniest complaint.  I guess it is not really a complaint, I just wish I had more time to focus on the wedding.  Haha, said every bride ever.  Anyway, right now I am in a strange spot because I really just want both of us to start our careers and be able to spend more time with each other.  On the other hand I love where we are because it is our journey together and it has been really fun.  I keep telling myself that I am going to miss this.  Thank you Toby Keith.  I will continue to repeat Colossians 3:23, “Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men.”  That verse is such a comfort to me.  I also need to constantly remember to choose Joy.  This is very hard for me when I have had a really long day at my first job, a customer is being difficult, and I know I will not be off until 11:15.   They often are difficult. I need to remember to  B e  S t i l l  and respond with love because their day has probably been worse.  I have been ignoring the respond with love part lately.  O o p s.

On top of all this craziness you would think I would be a caffeine addict.  I am not.  I have no tolerance for caffeine.  Every time I drink it, my heart starts racing, I get horribly anxious and I cannot go to sleep until at least 3:00am.  But I am not the brightest light bulb and I often make a drink for myself and instantly regret it.  So Josh has to deal with me: being exhausted, being terrified that the world is coming to an end, being scared that I am dying of whatever disease that I read about that day, and that we are going to be poor.  Then he says that I need to stop worrying so much because I am going to get a disease from being too stressed out.  This does not help but he is a good man for trying.  🙂  I really need to calm down and breathe.  There is a job opportunity that I am very seriously hoping happens, because Josh and I will be set.  Definitely praying and waiting on God.

Change

ImageIt is so strange how people change, their thoughts and motives.  A girl I knew in high school came into my Starbucks last night and was really intoxicated.  Before last night I had seen her one time a few months ago, but I had not seen her for years before that.  The first time she looked so drained and she was slurring her words, her face looked pale and drawn.  Last night her hair was done, she had color in her face, she honestly looked really beautiful.  Then you looked closer and there were little raw patches all over her arms, hands, and face.  Her mouth was really dry, she was talking quickly and seemed unbalanced.  It’s so sad how life changes. Honestly I was the bratty know-it-all freshman and her and my friend were the cool Juniors.   Everything they did I would criticize.  It was just strange to see her so lost.  I went home and told my fiancé about it and he said, really sympathetically, “You kind of make your own bed, you know?” But what if the person did not realize the extremely comfortable bed she could have had.  I wish she knew how beautiful she is and what an incredible leader she could be.

Last year I got a parking ticket for being parked ten minutes longer than I paid for.  I went home and told my dad and instead of yelling at me he said, “I was initially mad.  Then I thought of all the things that you could be doing, and if the worst trouble you have gotten into is a parking ticket then I can pay for it.” I was obviously grateful, but I also kind of laughed thinking, “what on earth could be we doing?  We were homeschooled.”  That was such a naive thought.  Just because I do not struggle does not mean that others do not either.

A few months ago a friend messaged me on Facebook asking me to pray for her (The friend that came in last night) because she was dying in the hospital for drug abuse.  I will not stop praying for her.  I honestly hope she discovers what her life could be like before it is too late.  I truly believe that God can do that.  She just has to be willing to change, sadly it does not look that way.

Be s t i l l

4c8d1497bfc8124508f56480ea54ccf4

       It is amazing how one decision can completely change a person’s life.  Decisions are deceiving.  I think the real dilemma is whether or not a person wants to stay in their complacent comfort zone, or if they are willing to take chances.  Both options have pros and cons.  They are beautiful and difficult at the same time.   I guess that is with everything though.  I pray that the right choice is made for me and my family.  Even though I hate making choices, some of the best things have come out of taking a stand on what I feel is best.  It is frightening though.  Dennis Waitley wrote this:  There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist or accept responsibility for changing them.  I have made a few choices that I cringe to think of, but then I remember why I did them and I have peace.

November ♦

ea41b193d488994477946e32a343e924      A new month.  Today we are picking out invitations for the wedding.  Of all of the details about the wedding, the invitations are on the bottom of my priority list.  But they must be done!  Weddings are stressful.  No one told me this!  In essence it is kind of silly.  I have literally spent the last YEAR deciding my colors, hair, bridesmaids, decorations, and cake.  I have agonized over so many details and really it is a 6-7 hour party.  A little silly if you think about it.  Not to mention the amount of money!  I am so ridiculously excited though. What is the point of life and money if you don’t make wonderful memories?  Isn’t that what life is about?  I am so excited to marry Josh that I would elope tomorrow if we could.  I just wanted everyone who wanted to be there, there.  Many people are coming and I just need to constantly remind myself that whatever happens, happens and it will all be perfect because all that really matters is that I am marrying my best friend.

Let it go

Image

My name is Briana I am 21 years old, my friends call me Bri.  I am engaged to an incredible man named Josh, he will be 25 on November 3rd.  We are getting married on January 5th and I cannot wait!  I have a beautiful sister named Shannon who is 20.  When we were younger we did not look related at all, but now we are often mistaken as twins.  I secretly love when people think that, because I think she is gorgeous.  I have two older sisters, Kelly and Amy, and an older brother named Greg.  I have some incredible friends that will be introduced along the way. I love them more than they probably know.

I titled my blog Souffler because it means to b r e a t h e, something I seriously need to learn to do.  I may have been called a “control freak” once or twice in my life.  Ok, maybe a lot.  I definitely inherited this trait from my mother, and she knows it.  The bossiness is not my only problem, I also have my father’s temper.  This combination annoys my sister and finance to no end.  All that to say, I am continuously trying to step back from these episodes and ask myself if the situation is something to go on a rampage over, or if I can simply  l e t  i t  g o.  My older sister Amy is my role model in this area.  Last time I was at her house she interrupted me, because I was interrupting Josh, and told me that I need to; let stories be told the wrong way, not interrupt people and really listen to them when they talk instead of thinking of my response before people finish their sentences.  It really hurt my pride and I definitely cried about it later, but her words were so true.  I cannot imagine how irritating it must be to try to tell a story knowing that it will be interrupted.  Anyway, working on that.

I am not an English major.  I just like to write my thoughts because it helps me understand myself better.  I love Jesus Christ.  I love to sing.  I’m not coordinated.  I make a mess everywhere I go.  I love coffee and tea.  I love to read.  I love my fiancé.  My sister is my best friend.  I am realizing that life is not perfect and I am slowly becoming ok with it.  Welcome to this new chapter of my life.  Love, Bri