Every point of growing up I had a playlist of songs that were perfect for the moments I was going through. “Sunshine and Summertime” when my friend’s and I would drive to Zuma Beach in my ’88 Mustang. We all felt young and skinny like anything could happen with our hair down and blowing in the wind. We could literally go anywhere in that moment. We were so free.
“You and Tequila” when I started talking to my boyfriend (now my husband). I would get lost in Kenny Chesney’s voice and dream about marrying the cutest man I had ever met. I even listened to it when it felt like he was breaking my heart. I am sure music is medicine, sometimes you have to listen and cry it out to get through rough times.
“Are you Gunna Kiss me or not” when he finally asked me out and didn’t kiss me before my hour and a half ride home alone. I still get butterflies every time I hear this song.
“Hey Pretty Girl” when we were engaged after he asked me to marry him and I was imagining our lives together. Then “ I Do Cherish You” When we were getting married. I would cry just picturing us dancing to this song for our first dance, it felt like that day would never come…
I have not felt the magic in such a long time. Maybe it is my outlook on life. I think I just got married and became so busy with responsibility that I lost that free part of me. Everything became so serious and I became entangled in it so much that I forgot to stop and ask myself “What makes you happy?” “Where did your smile go?” I am going to be a mommy and I am so excited, but I am scared that if I don’t find my song soon I will lose it forever.
Life has been so busy, working full-time, taking care of my husband. Let me just take a moment to say that I am utterly and completely mad about him. He is my favorite thing to see when open my eyes in the morning and the reason I am so excited to get home from work every night. He is patient and understanding, something I am not completely used to. Even though he hasn’t completely figured me out he’s slowly starting to understand that he never will. This infuriates him. He is absolutely the love of my life and I am so blessed to be a part of his story and am so glad that he is completing mine.
Life hasn’t necessarily been easy as well. Serious changes have been happening with my group of friends.
My Friend Shaylee is Marrying Ryan. Shannon, my sister and best friend is going away to college and I am utterly depressed.
Grant, Ryan’s brother is going into the Marines.
Shane, Sawyer and Shaylee’s Brother is working with Ryan at 4 Wheel Parts which is such a blessing.
Sawyer is going to be Daddy in September. I will wait to disclose the gender because no one knows yet… well except me.. That’s a whole different story.
Crazy things. I am slowly realizing that life is completely unpredictable, but it goes on. Maybe this time in my life is teaching me that I need to be more flexible. Not everything is bad, actually none of it is bad. My selfishness in missing my sister is the only thing that is going to be difficult, but for those of you wondering I will survive. ..I hope.. I started a business called Beauticontrol so that should keep me busy. I just pray that we all end up where we need to be and that these changes in our lives bring us closer together than apart. I truly believe that God has a sense of humor, He notices when you think you have everything figured out and he flips it upside down. Chang is good. That is what I keep telling myself. Change is good… right?
I am t i r e d. I usually try not to complain about my situations, because I am blessed to have the problems that I have, but today I am going to complain a little. I have been working two jobs for about 5 months and it is starting to get to me. I love both of my jobs because they are both very different. My full time job is an office job, and obviously my part time job is Starbucks. They are both incredible companies and I am endlessly grateful to work for them. Lately I have been going to my first job, coming home for a few minutes, then leaving for my second job. I barely have time to see Josh, and when I do see him I am exhausted which makes me sad. I think it makes him sad too. Josh is going to school full time to become an engineer, so he is usually pretty busy as well. I love him so much and has been doing so well in school. I am so proud of him. He hates that I have been working as hard as I have, but that just makes me love him that much more. I am also planning a wedding. That is the funniest complaint. I guess it is not really a complaint, I just wish I had more time to focus on the wedding. Haha, said every bride ever. Anyway, right now I am in a strange spot because I really just want both of us to start our careers and be able to spend more time with each other. On the other hand I love where we are because it is our journey together and it has been really fun. I keep telling myself that I am going to miss this. Thank you Toby Keith. I will continue to repeat Colossians 3:23, “Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men.” That verse is such a comfort to me. I also need to constantly remember to choose Joy. This is very hard for me when I have had a really long day at my first job, a customer is being difficult, and I know I will not be off until 11:15. They often are difficult. I need to remember to B e S t i l l and respond with love because their day has probably been worse. I have been ignoring the respond with love part lately. O o p s.
On top of all this craziness you would think I would be a caffeine addict. I am not. I have no tolerance for caffeine. Every time I drink it, my heart starts racing, I get horribly anxious and I cannot go to sleep until at least 3:00am. But I am not the brightest light bulb and I often make a drink for myself and instantly regret it. So Josh has to deal with me: being exhausted, being terrified that the world is coming to an end, being scared that I am dying of whatever disease that I read about that day, and that we are going to be poor. Then he says that I need to stop worrying so much because I am going to get a disease from being too stressed out. This does not help but he is a good man for trying. 🙂 I really need to calm down and breathe. There is a job opportunity that I am very seriously hoping happens, because Josh and I will be set. Definitely praying and waiting on God.