The Bird Who Lost Her Song

e0ca6a65e36ad5becc2b49f44ddac01bEvery point of growing up I had a playlist of songs that were perfect for the moments I was going through. “Sunshine and Summertime” when my friend’s and I would drive to Zuma Beach in my ’88 Mustang.  We all felt young and skinny like anything could happen with our hair down and blowing in the wind.  We could literally go anywhere in that moment. We were so free.

“You and Tequila” when I started talking to my boyfriend (now my husband).  I would get lost in Kenny Chesney’s voice and dream about marrying the cutest man I had ever met.  I even listened to it when it felt like he was breaking my heart.  I am sure music is medicine, sometimes you have to listen and cry it out to get through rough times.

“Are you Gunna Kiss me or not” when he finally asked me out and didn’t kiss me before my hour and a half ride home alone.  I still get butterflies every time I hear this song.

“Hey Pretty Girl” when we were engaged after he asked me to marry him and I was imagining our lives together.  Then “ I Do Cherish You” When we were getting married. I would cry just picturing us dancing to this song for our first dance, it felt like that day would never come…

I have not felt the magic in such a long time.  Maybe it is my outlook on life.  I think I just got married and became so busy with responsibility that I lost that free part of me.  Everything became so serious and I became entangled in it so much that I forgot to stop and ask myself “What makes you happy?” “Where did your smile go?”  I am going to be a mommy and I am so excited, but I am scared that if I don’t find my song soon I will lose it forever.

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Hello Old Friend

faca6727833bd4696e02df8dc0edb0e4I admit, I fall into the stereo type. I am in love with  F A L L.  I am the stereo typical Yoga pants wearing, pumpkin spice latte drinking, hopeless romantic that doesn’t see fall as a season but a way of life.  I remember when I was in first grade and we were carving pumpkins as a class.  My mom came to pick me up and as we walked to the car I stomped on every leaf I came into contact with.  I love the crisp breeze and the ever-present feeling that something magical could happen at any moment. At one point in my life I wanted to name my daughter September regardless of what month she was born.  My dream is a world where work does not exist, it is constantly 60 or below, cuddling and watching movies are required and no one gets fat from all of the amazing cookies and cakes that are made during cuddling breaks.  I love that Christmas is around the corner and that family is required to spend time together. If I could be an Elf my life would be complete.

I know… I have accepted my addiction.

It is a cruel joke that I live in southern California where it is 60 degrees two days out of the year. If we’re lucky.  Regardless, I am dreaming away.  I hope this season brings every magical wish to life for you.  Happy September!